


It's Done

by grimmreaper (varlamolotov)



Series: avatāra [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Healing, M/M, Resurgence, avatar!McCoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 14:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/varlamolotov/pseuds/grimmreaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard's gaze shifts between Spock and Jim. Then Jim, Spock and the security officer. Spock and the officer. It finally rests on the security officer and he's considering doing everything he said he wouldn't. Jim was enough. He scoffs, turning his back to him. "No."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Done

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation of I'll Always Chose You.

It takes almost six weeks for Jim to talk to him again.

Six weeks of bourbon straight from the bottle.

Six weeks of Jim ignoring him on the bridge, in the med bay, in the mess.

It hurts, stings. A dull ache that refuses to go away.

He's all too familiar with it.

A broken heart.

Six weeks of silence before Jim talks to him again.

And it's not even remotely how he wants it to go...

There's an explosion on the planet they were beamed down to explore. The entire landing party, Spock included, injured. His med bay is full to the brim and it's getting dangerous with all the equipment being wheeled around. He's already lost three people, innocent people. It's always hard, he realizes, no matter the situation.

A hand reaches up, gripping him hard by the arm. One of the security personal. He was caught too close to the explosion. His legs are missing at the knees, tourniquet cutting off the blood flow. "Please....McCoy....end it. The pain...please..." 

McCoy almost does, almost, but visions of his father flash through his head and he can't. He just  _can't_. He sighs, putting a hand on the man's shoulder. Like a Vulcan nerve pinch, he goes stiff, quiet,  _asleep_. He can't end another man's life like that again. Too close to home.

"Doctor!"

Spock's wheeled in, one of the last to arrive. He's rushing over, yelling orders like a crazed man. It takes fourteen minutes to get him stable; he's lost a lot of blood and burns cover about twenty percent of his body. A healing trance will probably work but Leonard's not that sure.

Jim enters the sickbay, guilt, frustration, remorse and worry written all over his face. His blue eyes seem faded, not at all as blue as they were when he first woke up. He's rushing over to Spock's bed in a second and Bones sighs. "It's not your fault, Jim."

Jim scoffs, head lowering. "Of course it is, Bones. I sent them down there."

"Kid...It was a mission. You couldn't foresee what was going to happen. Don't beat yourself up. Come on, you shouldn't be here." He wraps a hand around Jim's bicep and the captain flinches.

" _Bones,_ " He warns, eyes flashing before shifting his gaze back to Spock. Leonard drops his hand like it's burning and suddenly he feels like he's been slapped.

You can hear a pin drop between them and Leonard's getting uncomfortable. Jim's face has shifted six times in the past few moments. It's never good when James Tiberius Kirk starts thinking. It always ends up bad for Bones. Always-

"You can heal him, can't you?" Jim stares at him, almost willing him to do it.

He shakes his head. "I'm not doing it, kid."

"Why? You did it to me!"

"That was different!"

"How!"

"Because...!"

Because I love you, you idiot.

"Bones, please..."

Leonard's gaze shifts between Spock and Jim. Then Jim, Spock and the security officer. Spock and the officer. It finally rests on the security officer and he's considering doing everything he said he wouldn't. Jim was enough. He scoffs, turning his back to him. "No."

"Bones...I'm asking you...Please..."

"I'm not doing it, Jim. That is a lot to ask."

"Why?"

Leonard sighs. "To give life, you have to take it from something else. Khan was evil. Dammit, he deserved it. There's too many innocent people here. I'm not hurting them."

Jim's eyes cast downward and his heart clenches. He knows Spock means a lot to him, a friend in him. He sighs, eyes shifting back and forth between Spock and the officer. He growls, pulling their beds closer together and shutting the curtain. This is the worst idea he's had yet.

"Say nothing. Do nothing," Leonard growls, standing between the beds.

Jim only nods.

His left hand stretches out onto the officer's forehead. He twitches in his sleep before a peaceful smile spreads across his face. Leonard's eyes close. The unmistakable warmth travels down his arm, to the officer's forehead. 

"Yes." It's a whisper, from the officer's mouth.

He fades, the smile remaining on his face. His pain is gone.

Spock's burns heals in a seconds, sealing up. The warm dissipates and Leonard opens his eyes. Jim stares, not able to conceal the gasp that leaves his lips. There's fear in those blue eyes he loves and that hurts. More than he wants to admit. He has to turn away and for the first time in his life, he's ashamed of the power he has. It does good in the right situations but now, he hates it. Wants it gone. But that's not going to happen. He's stuck in Limbo with no way to get out.

"It's done," is all he says before whipping open the curtain and leaving.

***

The one thing that Leonard always loved about the darkness is that it hid everything so well.

The fiasco that the explosion was has blown over, everyone stable. Happy. Healed. Even Spock and a pang of guilt runs a course through his body.

The burn of the bourbon extinguishes that quickly. 

The whirr of door opening and closing pulls him from his stupor. He knows its Jim, can tell by the way he's moving around the cabin. His footsteps have always been obvious.

"Don't even think about touching the lights, Jim." He sounds tired,  _weak,_ and he knows it. He can't bare to have Jim see him like this. "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry," He whispers. "I didn't know how much that would hurt you."

"Jim, I promised myself that you would be the last time. That I would rely on  _normal_  medicine and for  _you_  to be the one to pull me back in..."

"Me?"

Leonard scoffs. "Yes, you. If I recall, you were the one who ran out-"

"I ran out because..." Jim swallows. He can't see it but the kid's lips are dry. Just one of those things he knows. "I ran out because it was a lot to take in. First you tell me you killed Khan, then you tell me that you transferred his life force to me then you pretty much told me you love me. It was too much in one day."

"You're the one who pushed."

"Bones..."

He slams the drink down and feels it shatter in his hand. The pain that's there almost makes him feel human. Jim's audible gasp is barely heard and he's greeted by the lights from hell and Jim rushing to his side. He's pressing a towel to the cut that's there, picking out the shards of glass. Leonard stays silent for most of it, wincing here and there but Jim gets all of it just fine and hums when he's satisfied. 

"Bones," He whispers and it's small.

He groans, pulling the kid into his lap, burying his head in his chest. He smells like fresh pine and cologne and James T. Kirk, an intoxicating smell. Jim tugs on his hair gently, pulling his head back before sealing their lips together. Its sweet and chaste and warm. Arms wrap around his neck and he's wrapping his around the kid's waist. He's not letting go anytime soon.

 


End file.
